now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
