hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My ATM looks so different sober.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
