actually, I'm a sock model
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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