I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
