i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize