Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
