I heard we made out
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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