You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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