drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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