she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
