summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
time to smoke my breakfast
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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