no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
