if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
