The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
