fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
