My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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