I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
