We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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