mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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