i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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