I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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