sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
