Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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