Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
