Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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