Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
