Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
