He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
