I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
