My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
