Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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