I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
