I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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