My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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