we're blogging at a bar
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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