Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
