"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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