I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
