FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
