oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
