thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think my tv is drunk
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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