jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
