Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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