i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
