Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
