I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
