grandma shit on top of the toilet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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