I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm like, not good at living.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize