My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
babies were throwing up all over the place
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize