You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
