ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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