Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
