Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize