i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
