whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
