did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't deserve a penis
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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