I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
