we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Damn victory sex feels great
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
