Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
