she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
