Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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