id be glad to
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
