I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
