Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
