I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
false alarm. still invincible.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
