i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
