I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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