it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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