five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize